Never Starting from Scratch
Assets, Desires, and Transitions
In May 2025, my family and I moved to the US. We had a life in Guatemala that was filled with complexities. It was a constant meshing of beauty and affliction. Some days, the radiance of Guatemala’s landscapes and the beauty of its people could be enough to energize one’s soul. Other times, the heartbreaking realities of poverty, corruption, and violence could crush your spirit. Regardless of how we felt, we pushed forward. We tried to carry on a mission to form others into a different way of showing up in the world, a way that would focus on mercy, not sacrifice.
What I didn’t see back then was that mercy for others became sacrifice of the self. The move, however, forced a stillness I hadn’t chosen. Without a mission to run toward, I found myself at a crossroads. This constant cycle of self-sacrifice burnt me. I was just too busy to notice.
Consequently, as the time of yet another transition comes closer, my mind has gone to a place of lack. Instead of mapping and clarifying my gifts and current capacity, the tendency has been to look for what is not there. What do I need to move to the next stage of leadership and career? This way of reasoning focuses the mind onto what one may lack. It hurts our self-esteem. It can also pave the way to self-dehumanization. It could push the soul to believe that we are not enough. When in reality, we are never starting from scratch. We all have assets that can help us move into what is next.
It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks that I started shifting my mentality and perspective. There are three things that have become incredibly helpful. Firstly, instead of starting with deficiencies, I began to think about the assets, gifts, and capacity that I already have. The strengths that make me who I am are the point of departure for what could be an exciting next season. The shadows that haunt me are also an asset. They remind me of the places I don’t want to go. They keep me honest and focused when kept at bay.
The second thing that has become helpful is focusing my desire. What are the things that excite me? And, what are the things that I am not willing to do? That doesn’t mean that I will end up doing just the things that I like. It just gives me a clear path to follow and consciously decide what are the compromises that I am willing to take to achieve what I truly desire, what I want to see happening in my life and work.
Desire is tricky, though. It comes from outside ourselves. It is born out of those we surround ourselves with. That is why as I focus on the desires that I have borrowed, I am also intentionally surrounding myself with the people whose desires I find attractive.
Finally, I have realized that there are things in my life that need to come to an end. This has been the most difficult thing to accept. There are desires that I need to let go. Some ideals and ideas need to be discarded. And there are ways of doing things that need to be pruned so my growing edges become clearer.
There are many ways to go about one’s vocation. It is just a matter of letting the path find us.
I am still in the middle of this. That is what becoming human is all about. So, if something here landed for you, I’d genuinely love to hear what it stirred. A comment, a question, or just a word, all of it is welcomed.
I am sitting with your statement desire comes from outside ourselves. I am not sure I understand. I have experienced desire from with in. Perhaps desire is ignited from outside ourselves as I interact with the world, I begin to experience the emerging of desire from within. I resonate with your perspective of focus on your giftedness, talents, experience as a focus for what is next. You sound like what Paul is talking about in Romans 12, as he mentions we are a body with various functions. Your words ring true to focus on how I am formed, gifted with my experience and talents to guide me in the next phase.
Thanks for sharing this, Joel. It seems we tend to focus on negative things such as what we lack way more than positive things about ourselves. I do, anyway! My friend and collaborator Lyle Enright had to practically force me to ask for blurb comments for the back cover of the new edition of my book-- from friends, mind you! But getting such quick and positive feedback from all of them has been uplifting! My thoughts went from not sure if all the work was worth it, to gosh darn it, I'm proud of what I've done!!
Our self-esteem is inextricably tied to the response we get from others. I hope I can internalize this moment so that I am less prone to negative feedback when it comes. I hope you can hear from me, dear friend, that you have incredible gifts and well-honed strengths that equip you right now for whatever you set your heart and mind to do! Please internalize that!