On Friendship
Equality, Justice, and Encountering Each Other
“If we cannot imagine others as potential friends, and therefore as equal to ourselves, then we cannot survive on a planet that gets smaller all the time.” —Dana L. robert
When this post comes to you, it will be Valentine’s Day. That is why I decided to write something about friendship.
I remember my very first friend. I was very young. I had just turned four-years-old. We grew to be very close with one another. We were mischievous together. We played and broke havoc on our street. We lived right across from each other, which made it even better. When I turned six, we moved back from Honduras to Guatemala. I remember the heartbreak.
Remembering my friend made me think about other friendships and love. We cannot fully live our humanity without one or the other. Today, instead of writing a full on essay about friendship. I want to share an excerpt from my book, A Human Catechism. In this excerpt I talk about one of the relationships that I hope will be continue to be a life-long friendship.
Over the last 230 years, Guatemala City has become a “world-class city,” to use the term Ray Bakke used to characterized cities with a population of over one million people and its influence to the neighboring countries. This, of course, implies that the social issues in Guatemala City are very visible too. With more than 60 percent of its population living in poverty, the metro area of Guatemala City has become a place where poverty, suffering, and violence are personal matters.
These issues, however, only become personal when we decide to stand in solidarity and, as Dana L. Robert has called it, Faithful Friendships. I wish I had understood solidarity and faithful friendship earlier in life. It was not until nine years ago that my dear friend Fito taught me perhaps my most valuable lesson in solidarity and friendship. I used to visit Fito’s house at least twice a week. We would get together to think, plan, and dream of what could be done with his community. One hot afternoon in the middle of the dry season, I felt really bad about Fito’s living situation. We were sitting in his living room. The metal roof of his shack creaked as the zinc roof sheets were mercilessly hit by the midday sun.
Fito and I were sweating bullets. It was so hot inside his home that for a moment I thought I was going to pass out. As drops of sweat ran through the middle of my back, I said to him, “Dude, sometimes I feel so bad because of your living situation.” I think it was the relentless heat that made me utter those words. Fito just turned to me and gently said, “Well, that means that we are not friends.” I was shocked by his response. Then, he proceeded to explain: “You see, whenever I go to your apartment and have a meal with you, I don’t feel bad for you. I don’t feel envious of your living situation either. I just feel happy that I get to sit at your table and share life with you.” I was humbled by his response, and before I could interrupt him, he continued his explanation: “If you feel bad every time you sit at my table, you still don’t see me as an equal. If you feel bad every time you eat my food, it is on you. You are the one raising the barrier to an honest friendship. It is not my responsibility to make you feel good. If you are my friend, just come, sit, eat, share life. We will work together to improve each other.”
The socioeconomic representation of our collective woundedness runs deep. It is connected to the color of our skin. Even more so, it will consume us from the inside out if we do not take the sting out of it. We ought to work with each other toward liberation, justice, and faithful friendships. A human catechism will guide us to reimagine our humanity amid dehumanizing institutions and practices. Let’s keep walking together in learning how to be more human.
Every time I think of this encounter with my friend, I feel humbled. Fito and I are still in touch. We have walked with one another for over twenty years. When I asked Fito for his permission to publish this story he said: “This is our story, and if it blesses others, let it be theirs too.”
“Friendship is a supernatural harmony, a union of opposites.” —Simon Weil
What a holy story. Thank you to you and Fito for allowing this story to be ours as well.